


This Moment

by everyones_claimedthisusername



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Blade, Demon Dean, Destiel - Freeform, Drabble, First Blade, M/M, Mark of Cain, Short, Why did I do this to myself?!, crowley - Freeform, sammy - Freeform, silent crying in the corner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 17:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2237763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyones_claimedthisusername/pseuds/everyones_claimedthisusername
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel contemplates the moment his life went to hell. A short drabble</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Moment

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still trying to figure the in's and out's of the archive and I don't have a beta, so please excuse any mistakes! Oh, and this is for Shaolin, who's always believed in my abilities as a writer.

Maybe it was Dean becoming the very thing he used to hunt. Maybe, it was the moment I lost my home and my grace. Or maybe, it was the moment I finished putting his soul back together in hell. But I think the most accurate theory is the big moment all of these other moments came together to solidify something that everybody else already knew. Something Dean and I knew but refused to recognize.  
The world as a whole was safe-or as safe as humanity can be-but my world was falling apart, Sam’s world was falling apart, and I’m not entirely sure Dean’s world still even exists. Sure, he was there physically, but mentally, he was this-this monster that no one knows quite how to handle. We know-in theory-that we’re supposed to smite first and ask questions later, or excorcise him, or something. But Dean isn’t just a vessel for a demon, he is the demon.  
I know that normal Dean-human Dean-would see this as a fate worse than death and I should too, but I can’t help but be grateful to Crowley. At least, he's not dead. I also abhor him at the same time. Crowley didn’t do this personally, no, but he did encourage Dean to take on the Mark, convincing him that it was the only way to get rid of Abaddon, and Metatron, and everything else wrong with the world.  
Because that’s just what Dean wanted to do-save the world. That was just the way he was. He didn’t do it for recognition, he did it because he believed that every single life was worth saving, except his own. I think that the only time he ever felt true self-worth was when he accepted the Mark because he knew that he was the only thing standing between Abaddon and humanity.  
In this moment, as Dean falls into my arms with the angel blade-my angel blade-protruding from his back, everything comes together in painfully sharp clarity. I place a small kiss on Dean’s still lips. It means everything, but at this point it may as well mean nothing. Oh, how I would give anything to change this moment, the moment where the great thread unraveled, and my world fell apart at the seams.


End file.
